what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
