i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
