she woke up with a sticky ear
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Can vaginas get frostbite?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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