we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
