I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
