Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
