I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
