We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
