he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
