It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
