Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
