but the lizard people decide everything anyway
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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