If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
If I die, sorry about rent.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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