Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
