Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
