No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
