Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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