did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Randomize
