This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
