The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
