Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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