Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
