He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
