so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
