can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Randomize
