Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
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