dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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