if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
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