is your mom at the bar?
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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