remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
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