How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
