Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
This house was built for laser tag.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Randomize
