McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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