I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
