You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
