found the other keg... it's in the tree
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
