I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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