the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
the day after is always just damage control
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
