Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Randomize
