there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
