This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
