Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
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