: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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