There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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