Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I will be naked everywhere
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
