So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
