If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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