i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
