i need an iv and a liver transplant
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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