Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
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