maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
