Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
