need another drink. this is the easiest way
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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