Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
