Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
