planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
