I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Randomize
