Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
