Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
