I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize
