Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
