omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize