last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize