I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
