oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Houston, we have a squirter
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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