it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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