my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
