He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
