you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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