we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
