Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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